Falling Into You - Part 1

By Rob Decker
Copyright © 2017 All Rights reserved

Part 1

"We think you should get an abortion, you're too young."

Those words were uttered to my mother by many people throughout the nine months she carried me. My mother made the difficult choice to keep me and on May 20, 1978, I entered this world.

One of my earliest childhood memories was the day I proudly came home from kindergarten with my graduation certificate reading "Robert Yancy". That was, after all, what I had been told was my name since birth. However, that day I was confronted with the harsh reality that the man I called "Dad" was not my biological father.

He told me the last name on the certificate was wrong and that it should read "Robert Decker". I was instructed that from that day forward, I would use my mother's maiden name. My Dad made it clear that his daughter was the only "real Yancy" child in the family.

This poignant memory served as a significant turning point for me - I was an outcast from my own family... an afterthought.

Most kids grow up with "home" being something special, safe and comforting. Mine was filled with turmoil and fear. There was no quiet or safe place in our house... it was constantly filled with arguing, drinking, smoking, drugs, and physical abuse.

It became commonplace for police to arrive at our front door. I would escape the toxicity by staying at friends' houses or out on the street. Anything to get away from the hell I knew was waiting for me at home.

By the time I started high school, alcohol, drugs, girls and fighting consumed my life and led me down a dark path. As a freshman I would pick fights with seniors and I spent a month in juvenile hall. I was constantly looking for outlets to numb the pain of the neglect I felt at home.

The drug and alcohol abuse continued through my twenties. I buried the pain of my childhood with constant partying and fighting. I moved through an endless series of short and meaningless relationships.

By the age of 28, my life was a total disaster and I had written myself off as a lost cause. I was an unemployed alcoholic/drug abuser without a driver's license.

A friend I had met through work was one of the bright lights in my life. No matter what I did, he was always there to encourage me.

I knew he was a Christian and would regularly invite me to church. My response was always the same "Nah... that's not for me." However, one night I decided to go to his men's bible study. I was unsure of what to expect.

To my surprise, everyone there was welcoming. I sat and listened intently and at the end they asked to pray over me. I agreed and as they asked Jesus to come into my life I began to shake and started to get physically hot.

I felt a sense of peace for the first time in my life. I am pretty sure that was the fire of the Holy Ghost coming to save me. I left feeling refreshed... ready to make a change in my life.

Unfortunately, two short months later I found myself returning to my previous lifestyle.

A few months after breaking things off with her, while she was in Hawaii with one of her "clients", she had called to tell me that she was upset because her "client" had physically assaulted her and had also forced himself on her. She sent me a picture of her injuries, apologized to me for the wrong she had done prior to our breakup, and told me that she wanted to make it right when she came back.

On May 28, 2007 my girlfriend came home from her trip, we talked a while, started drinking, and things started to become intimate. I stopped her and couldn't continue because of everything that transpired between us and what had taken place on her trip. We started to argue and I went downstairs to sleep and get some space.

I woke to a loud banging at the door and a voice yelling "Open up, this is the Police!" My girlfriend came into the room and informed me that she had called the cops and told them that I raped her and tried to kill her.

I felt like I had been hit by a ton of bricks. That betrayal stung deep and my mind raced as I thought of what would happen to my life.

I lost all hope. I felt I could not go on... I was done. I didn't want to feel this anymore... I didn't want to feel anything anymore.

Through tears I stammered, "I can't do this anymore; it's over and I'm ending it here."

I then ran and jumped head first through a third story closed window.

Copyright © 2017 Rob Decker
Rob Decker is currently a personal fitness trainer at Lifetime Fitness in Colorado. He specializes in weight management, strength training, and nutrition. His primary objective is to share his story of a failed suicide attempt that led to a relationship with God and to inspire, encourage, and give hope to those who have had similar battles.

Visit Rob at his website: Rob Decker Speaks or Email Us to share a comment or thought about this story.

Be sure to read Part 2 of Falling Into You